For the F^_^K of iT

on repeat:ย

i am still overjoyed to be back to my hyper self mode. almost forgot how to make moments that seriously take your breath away. since my last staycation, i have been spinning in and out of bliss. looking back – feeling ultimately blessed, but yesterday i thought this is it. this day will make me go back down because i found myself feeling alone. it was canada day and i made no prior plans, my mom had a wedding, the bestie was out of town, babs already had a fam thing. the other girls didn’t message any plans (or asked for that matter). fam be half at cobourg, the other half doing get togethers. the boys – well one/two of them were in montreal and the other was already out and about and got sunburnt. all my part-timers (gin/m) already had plans too. all i wanted to do was bask in fireworks and bike…

after messaging a chosen few, i got a hold our randomer and he was down. we made our way to ashbridge bay. it was a hilly mission up there but once we did, it was all gravy. laid our towels busted out my cider-soju concoction, popcorn and dug our feet in the sand.

(vadyms feet is as white as a piece of paper)

lunch time i missioned to canadian tire in anticipation to riding by myself to watch fireworks. i needed night ride gears and another bike lock. my other bike was fully equipped for this but it’s at Vs and i had no access. grabbed a bag of popcorn and tried to find an automatic bubble gun. fail on the bubbles but that’s when my randomer messaged and was down for whatever i had in store. truthfully, i was prepared to go there on my own. #singlelife –ย i thought to myself, why the f**k not. what’s the worst that could happen. it’s not a place i’ve never been to, there’s going to be tons of people, i’m not too far away from home, it’s only a 35 minute bike ride. my mind was set, i was going to this canada day thing alone and i was going to write about my experience.

but instead i was with good company. this kid is a sweetheart, it was his first time at this city beach. he rode for over an hour because i was late. he enjoyed the ride, regardless. when we got there we dipped in the cold -but refreshing- lake water and the rest was just too funny. we were pretty far from the bathrooms but really close to the fireworks. wow, watching the fireworks that close while lying down on a towel was just next level. i definitely plan to do the exact spot every year (if i can moving forward) but then we had to pee… he went first. successfully. but when i went they’ve locked it. anyone who knows me, i can’t hold my bladder for too long and we didn’t want to leave just yet. we were trying to stargaze, waiting for more stars to come up and we were waiting to get kicked out. people were in and out of the water, so i took my shorts off let my dress down for cover and dipped in to pee. talk about #YOLO. phew. he needed to go again and convinced him to just do the same. finally the police crews were clearing up the beach. on the way to our bikes, we both had to go again (we shared 2 ciders + a bottle of soju + broke our seals = we were fcked). on the way to the bikes, i couldn’t hold it anymore so i sat on grass and just let it go. we saw the moon and it was just magnificent. now that i wonder about it, would we have noticed that moon had i not sat down (?) since i went in my shorts this time, we ran to the water again to dip our bottom halfs. he went too without having to remove his dry shorts. this guy biked home without underwear bwahahahaha just his shorts.

sat around for little bit to dry off as much as we can, realizing i had lost my slippers. at this point police were by the area we went the second time. they allowed us to go grab my slippers real quick. thank goodness i found them. phew. but then got to our bikes and found my back tire flat af. so guess who rode the bus/subway home with wet shorts from pee and lake waters… that’s right ME! – no shame. i was still buzzing from the soju but i got home that’s all that matters.




dear babs

helluuurrrr. goodmorning

i wrote a post for this blog last night but instead of posting that right now, i woke up early today and my brain hasn’t shut off. i have been wondering about my old blog spot []. i was going to share the info with you to get you off of my back until i get organized and post my old entries. turns out i have lost all the logins and now i’m freaking out because that platform is not allowing me to reset my password. that whole blog is password protected, FML and looks like the site is not allowing me to retrieve my site password which means i can’t edit whatever i put in there. grrr!!ย i have gone through all my emails, gmail-hotmail-outlook-apple and i’m trying to retrace my steps. november 2016 was the last time i accessed that site or retrieve/change my password. what would i have changed the access to at 31 hehehe. brainstorm hard.

as tech savvy/obsessed i am, i crave for the hard copy. i kill trees by printing just so i can have a tangible item to access if technologies or user-error fails. i always want a copy of peoples pics/videos just so i can have them for my own personal recall. uuugghhh i am so annoyed right now. i’m the worst at remembering passwords since it’s out of sight – out of mind. but not a lot of people print stuff any more, they rely on the cloud. i guess i just have little trust in these machines. i have meaning to print the contents of my blogs, or have a back-up of the text (i have notepads saved in my external HD for some memorable AA set ups, not even kidding hehe). but everytime i thought about mcguyvering my blogs i get lost in the posts and end up reminiscing instead.

new saying i learned from uyen: i am soooo CHEEESED. i seriously am cheeesed at myself right now. anyway,ย keep you posted as soon as i get this/that sorted out but for now time to get ready for work. talk to you later babs! hahahah

dead inside

it’s almost 2:30 and i’m wide awake. i met up with babs for dinner and we just sulked in our own misery of adulting. even though the night was supposed to be a celebration of her achievements so far… #fail. it turned out to be a night of endless counts of shoulda-woulda-couldas which i have been harping to everyone who asks what’s new with me. i’m alice fucking wonderland and have fallen in a rabbit hole which most associate as being stuck in a rut/funk. don’t get me wrong, i’m hopeful i’ll get back to my happy self the minute i see the sun setting. it will remind me of the wonders this lifetime can bring. but for now i will wallow in self pity and no one can stop me from me hmphs.

anyway – i had to clear my mom’s pictures so she has enough memory on her phone for her trip. then i figured i’d also clean up my phone to make room for the JT Concert me and the bestie are watching tomorrow. woot! simple indulgence doesn’t hurt. the rest of this week i shall help my mom get ready for her sisterly bond Houston trip – all expense paid by me for her 59th birthday. i really hope she makes the best of it, of the company cause i won’t be much fun this year or next year being on a budget. i’m sure my wallowing self is annoying/worrying her a lot but really – this too shall pass. i’ll remember these days as my darkest days brought on by my own thoughts and concerns about moving forward in my days.

oh right i wanted to vent about the never checked to do list i got going since 2015. turns out my external hard drive has stopped working on this mbp. add that to the list of things i need to do instead of non-stop sleeping as if i have nothing better to do. approx 60 items on my swipe app and yet every weekend when nothing is planned, i lie here in bed, watching korean shows. effort makes me lazy. that’s just where i am ATM, doing the bare minimum. the story must continue though, empty pages don’t write themselves. i have so many creative posts on queue and i can’t wait to relive those moments when i was a bit happier than i am today – yesterday.

1,015 pictures left to back up and i am done with this rant for now.