still here


Lola Memory

what i wrote the day after her death.

Picture 171

may 30th. what i would’ve said …

Lola Senyang say hi to Lolo for me. thank you for all the laughter and thank you for the beautiful inside and out genes that you have given us. I know we weren’t everyday close but know that deep down in my heart and soul you will forever remain as a sweet memory and a huge part of my life. Thank you for showing us all how to live life colourfully and simply. Sana po makita ninyo si lolo sa mararatingan ninyo. Salamat po sa pagmamahal sa amin ng mommy ko. Thank you for smiling and that smile will forever be carried on by mine.

Mahal na Mahal na kay tagal buong buhay ko noon at ngayon.


First Day of 2017

jan 1 at 10:40 PM

it’s officially 2017. i have been looming over this day/year all of Dec but work/socials wouldn’t allow me any time to reflect. all i wanted to do last night was to be by myself in the dark wallowing but my mom had other plans. she decided to be home with me instead of partaking on any other NY EVE parties with our family. this ultimately pissed me off (i was afterall PMSing hard). i asked her in a really bad tone if she was only home because of me. she argued that she can be alone too and i told her bluntly that it was all i have been wanting to do. she’s experienced being alone on this occasion one too many times, because i’ve left her to that for the last 10-12 years. all i requested was to be completely alone. but she wouldn’t even give me that much. the tears started to flow. a year ago at exactly that time, i’ve already decided upon taking a break with J. changing the whole course of our time together with one final decision. anyway – not for anything but i wanted to be alone because i know i have failed on my goals for 2016. i spent all year deflecting – plain and simple – but obviously in a good way.

2016 was the year i found a group of people who loves to galavant in the city. it was also the year that i started renting cars because i got my licence to drive. i haven’t gone too far out but i have truly enjoyed the city as much as i always have. it was a year spent mainly going with the flow. it was mostly kwanstar’s flow but it was time well spent. so many memories made, good, bad and uglies (most times all three of those at the same time). my favorite part is the fact that none of it is planned (by me). she planned quite a bit of it and i was just coming along for the ride. i certainly took advantage and lived vicariously all year with the #crew.

another great adventure that started in 2016 is our beautiful princess Jaslyn. she was born and our world was never the same again. this year was definitely a year of realizing how easy it was for my heart to melt. because of this little one I’ve realized it’s really the little things that count. That adulthood and the fixation on settling down and making it work with someone is all too real at this age. Lyne on the other hand finally took the steps required to change careers. totally different from Jony settling down and starting a family but still a new adventure all together (super proud of her). the third one over there (can’t mention the name just in case) has decided to move to VanCity real soon and is dealing with much more adult level decisions and I just know she’s strong enough to get all the shit she needs to get done to begin a new life. I’m glad we became a bit more closer this year because she’s a great source of life wisdom and a positive person to be around. the girls have definitely had quite a year, all for the best and i can’t wait to see things progress as we all adult more this year.

me on the other hand has failed on adulting. everything got put on hold because i couldn’t commit. i didn’t get the promotion i was hoping for, still working at the same place for the same salary (ish) and with work being so iffy with the whole corporate stuff, i am left thinking about starting over. it was a year of questions. learning from others and making some strong relationships with a few awesome and experienced individuals. i do hope to keep in touch with those few because they are a great source of advice and nothing short of amazing.

I haven’t fully let go of that ONE.

one thing i did enjoy this year is my mom’s company and extended fam as well. i have finally experienced family gathering being single and it’s a lot more fun than i thought. drinking with the Titos, watching my cousin’s solidify their parenthoodness, it’s all heart melting. i do however feel a different type of feels during our family gathering but it’s mainly because Lola is no longer there with us.

my mom kept me company for the days that the crew or the girls had no definite plans. she was my plan b for every other weekend. i’m proud of myself for finally taking her to a spa getaway, taking her to new places in the city, teaching her to be more independent or live more. i think she’s getting it. i’m just glad that she’s ok with the whole situation of where my life has ended up.

i’ll save my real 2017 goals on the next post. i haven’t fully written them but i’m basically just transferring everything i didn’t achieve in 2016 into this year. stay tuned… it should be a great blogging year ahead.




bar hops twenty-sixteen

img_5571kstar found a list on blogTo, then asked me if I was down for an adventure. i quickly said yes and the quest began as we checked off each bar listed here [blogTO], one by one/back to back creating memories at every single venue.

there was talks about visiting at least one bar per month but let me not bore you with the specifics. plus, not important at this point because as of last Friday we were done. finished the list and now it’s time to rate each one:



likes: the gaudi-inspired woodwork
cons: didn’t like the crowd, drinks were expensive
moment: went with my work parents. the bouncer wouldn’t let K in because he claimed the place was full. we waited for a few people to leave and when we got in it wasn’t that full inside. the woodwork is definitely a must-see but that’s about it.


likes: music. they have games you can play physically. drinks reasonably priced
 filled with first year college/university kids. basement smell… bathroom is tiny and gross.
moment: no one likes this bar but i (non-secretly) do. i find it amusing to watch these first year students out and about in a “club” like scene. I would definitely come here again just to generation-watch (if it stays open long enough).


likes: their cocktails are creative and of course polinesian inspired. their drinks contain at least 2+ oz of mixed alcolohol. flaming mai tai’s and decor (the subtle ones).
 they did this thunder/lightning/gong + a chant + plumes of smoke that hurts your eye (eventually) each time someone ordered a mystery bowl. not the typical bar-bar (can be a good thing)
moment: our server annoyed me by being slow af, then only giving me only 1 oz of orange juice and lime juice at a time upon order. hahahha and note to self only order drinks that you know (or K knows). at first i was going to give this place a 1 out of 5 stars because the service was shite*. one whole star for the drinks and one other star for the theme.

4. APT 200 

likes: vibe+ambiance good, music was real good, seriously felt like someones loft.
 the bathroom experience was weird. there’s cover after a certain hour.
moment: the conversation was flowing here and i felt comfortable. i would go back here again before 9pm for the pool table and lay back, chillax with a good amount of people.


likes: the games, the different room vibes. this is a club in someone’s house.
 hard to get drinks
moment: went here for an after work party (buzzed) and the music was consistently good and all we did was jump around and dance. It gets pretty packed, but if you’re lucky you can find a small spot by the arcade table games.


likes: crowd was good. live band. great drinks, friendly staff+owner. music was good enough.
 place is small (by the bar) and this spot is a bit out of the way
moment: caramel something old fashion. good vibes here.


likes: the string lights at the back, very pretty
 didn’t like the crowd, the servers were the worst ever! snotty douches! there is a long list of drinks that they offer.
moment: headed here with the crew after the good vibes from the nightowl and the Walton was the total opposite. had one drink and bolted out of there. I was too tipsy to note the drink menu… and I fell on a pot hole.


likes: the venue, the staff, the food(ish). 
 middle of nothingness. pricey
moment: this was our first official bar visited from the list (after the Addison). it was memorable.


likes: n/a
moment: honestly, who closes at 1 am on a Friday night? This place of course. We may or may not visit this place but we are counting it as an experience regardless.

I wonder how this year’s best bar list looks so far. I already know there’s a bunch of new bars we need to check out.

Officially proven to be a great way to check out the city, a bit expensive but worth it if your main goal is to create good/bad moments somewhere new. All you have to do is pay attention.

[Rating: Any 🍺🍻🍷🍸🍹= a point out of 5 ⭐️]

social media

online profile

i have a picture on every social media outlet.

i’m not an annonymus

Social Media has its advantages as well as disadvantages. It’s up to us to educate ourselves on all of its facets. We will sometimes need to have a cleanse once in a while, and I should probably start doing that myself so that I can connect back to the NOW. Because apparently, I am already an internet addict according to Jethro, and I’m beginning to realize he’s right. 😐
What are your thoughts about social media these days? How will you recuperate if you will be on the receiving end of something negative? Let’s talk below…