last time i was at this park… it was with my mom on a sunday afternoon (i think). i was filling her in about my rooskie. How we met, the countless interactions we had at work, that whole month we were inseparable after the Canada Day fireworks. that was about a year ago. Today, right now as i write this, it started raining a little bit and i feel the breeze cooling, breaking the humidity to a nice, comfy temperature. I biked for about 2 hours, grabbing an ice cap along the way, eventually ending up in this park which was planned for tomorrows ride with nanay.
I sit here contemplating about the fears i had starting this new fling. Commenting on how/when did i get so lucky in snatching a really decent guy without much effort. He kinda just fell on my lap and it took me pretty much all year to allow it, allow all of it. Everytime i stepped back from it, i had no reason to leave. I allowed my fears of curating something new to stop me from the person i wanted to be in this relationship – very afraid to get my heart broken, knowing it hasn’t even fully healed yet.
I’d say he was patient. He allowed me to be on my own, when i wanted to be. He made sure to express his concerns about acting one way in the relationship and being treated another. I didn’t want to sugarcoat US. I needed to make sure it was all #real. As soon as i came back from Cuba and he slipped to tell me he loved me, my heart softened. It cracked open. It validated all of what i feel about US to be genuine and raw. It wasn’t a dream, and him saying it meant he felt it too. I didn’t say it back but i made sure to let him know to be patient a bit longer, i am there but I’m still pretty afraid to go all-in.
ever since, I’d say WE have been better. We started talking more, there was no hesitation for me to crave for him and let him know that i wished to be with him when we’re apart. We had moments where the fear of making him unhappy became a big deal. I found my heart swelling up tears in my eyes mostly with tears of joy to feel this strong of a connection again. The kind of love that for the longest time i couldn’t imagine with anyone else. It was here. Here to stay. This is it, i am officially invested.
I read all my old notes and i am about to submerge myself into the first chapter of V+M Project to commemorate the year that flew by in a blink of our own eyes. My heart is sooo full right now realizing how much good he has brought into my life. dear Tadhana, tara na. Let’s write this to re-live it wholeheartedly because i know i wasn’t all there in all of those moments. I was too busy protecting my 🖤 from the best thing that’s ever happened in a bit over a decade.
more on all of this and that soon. i gotta go pick up another curtain because the ones i bought weren’t the same size. Hahaha