dead inside

it’s almost 2:30 and i’m wide awake. i met up with babs for dinner and we just sulked in our own misery of adulting. even though the night was supposed to be a celebration of her achievements so far… #fail. it turned out to be a night of endless counts of shoulda-woulda-couldas which i have been harping to everyone who asks what’s new with me. i’m alice fucking wonderland and have fallen in a rabbit hole which most associate as being stuck in a rut/funk. don’t get me wrong, i’m hopeful i’ll get back to my happy self the minute i see the sun setting. it will remind me of the wonders this lifetime can bring. but for now i will wallow in self pity and no one can stop me from me hmphs.

anyway – i had to clear my mom’s pictures so she has enough memory on her phone for her trip. then i figured i’d also clean up my phone to make room for the JT Concert me and the bestie are watching tomorrow. woot! simple indulgence doesn’t hurt. the rest of this week i shall help my mom get ready for her sisterly bond Houston trip – all expense paid by me for her 59th birthday. i really hope she makes the best of it, of the company cause i won’t be much fun this year or next year being on a budget. i’m sure my wallowing self is annoying/worrying her a lot but really – this too shall pass. i’ll remember these days as my darkest days brought on by my own thoughts and concerns about moving forward in my days.

oh right i wanted to vent about the never checked to do list i got going since 2015. turns out my external hard drive has stopped working on this mbp. add that to the list of things i need to do instead of non-stop sleeping as if i have nothing better to do. approx 60 items on my swipe app and yet every weekend when nothing is planned, i lie here in bed, watching korean shows. effort makes me lazy. that’s just where i am ATM, doing the bare minimum. the story must continue though, empty pages don’t write themselves. i have so many creative posts on queue and i can’t wait to relive those moments when i was a bit happier than i am today – yesterday.

1,015 pictures left to back up and i am done with this rant for now.

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