..work in progress..
…11 MONTHS LATER (.)
wake me up when it’s completely over. i’m settling into the whole – this is officially the year my heart broke into pieces. i want to be optimistic that next year will be my year but i’m (currently) feeling hopeless.
i didn’t achieve the home i wanted to build for myself – although i did make my room cozy enough to be able to kick off the habit of sleeping on the couch.
i didn’t save as much i intended to – instead i lived vicariously without any financial worries. that felt really good. continued with spoiling my mom enough to keep her entertained and happy enough to fill the void of wanting to be a Lola.
learning about myself and achieving self love is still work in progress – instead i ignored the focus on myself and directed the efforts in experiences. which helps, so i get a half point on that… tbh i feel more lost now and have even more questions to myself that i need to start answering. it’s occupying my mind in the right direction though! half-woot!
mini swipes project weren’t completely completed. i still have to organize LaCie, crack them old hard drives, finish that original coloring book, back up back ups, fix blog categories/tags (which i’m going to try to tackle during this 2 day break from work). routine making -> epic fail on that.
i finally found the balance in my friendships (?) reason, season, lifetime categories. i somewhat don’t feel fully obligated to keep up with everyone, i found i can trust my decision to keep a few real close as it used to be and added a few layers with levels of commitment. i truly kinda meant it when i told the bestie that i’m willing to move away from all of this toronto love for love. home is where the heart is and if that heart wants to follow its partner somewhere else, i would be willing. one life and all.
the main goals this year was to quit him. i know the decision wasn’t fully my own execution but it felt destined, to wake the fuck up and realize he wasn’t the right one for me. uggh_ next year i definitely want to blog without mentioning him ever or even hint about him. it’s a difficult goal but i’ll get there, i’m almost there i swear. i’m sorry for those who reads this, truly and deeply sorry for the broken track of my heart/brain, but i just can’t get out of the habit comparing my old self to this new self. and all of my old self that i only know of was attached to him.
i’m done. no more reminiscing, i’m over the failures i made in 2017… in 2018
***now i’m four five seconds from wildin. later days!