before bed after wing night with Babs ft. Sheebs
(Currently listening to: Love Galore – SZA)
First dates with boys.
I’m lost in my head. I can carry conversation, go with the flow but I’ve never really been on a date where the ultimate goal is to figure out if you’re into that person in person (from scratch)?
My first Tinder date for example was an automatic friendzone. I only met up with him because he was really sweet and was able to carry on a conversation on chat. He clearly has A quality worthy enough for a meet up. But in all honesty, I felt like I wanted to overcome the fear of meeting a stranger. In all technicality, he wasn’t a complete stranger anymore… we chatted for over a month on and off (mostly off) because I was too busy to entertain anyone else in my life. I got dressed up, curled my hair the night before and ventured to meet him for a walk around the area at work as discussed.
He went for a hug, physically there’s nothing there and all I had to do was to keep up with the interrogations and listen at the same time. He decided he wanted to try Uncle Tetsu’s cheesecake, so we waited in line, he had a very friendly heartwarming Brazilian smile. Blah Blah Blah, walked to Nathan Philip Square and started to devour the cake. It took a few topics by the time he took his first bite… his first bite fell on the chair and his first UT Cheesecake officially became unforgettable because he still ate it and I was a witness. He didn’t want to waste his first ever bite, I literally ROFL’d.
The chatter didn’t stop and I entertained it waaay too long but I couldn’t help it, I was intrigued the whole time. He’s 28 or 29 and he’s been all over Europe, moved here from Brazil because he saw Canada in a pamphlet when he was little and decided one day he will make it here. Now he’s here. I’ve always been fascinated with people who move abroad and rough it out. The resilience is real and raw, I want to say I would want to do that one day but I’m too chicken shit to act up on it.
As it got way too cold, we walked towards the mall and he tried to warm me up by suggesting body heat is the quickest way to get warm. I shrugged, but he also mentioned there’s 15 ways of cuddling. After laughing his hints of getting closer to me one day by suggesting we could practice those together we finally got to the subway. He didn’t ask for my direct number and I didn’t ask for his. I joked that maybe I’ll find him on Tinder again next summer and take him up for real walks around the city, he laughed. A few days later, he sent me a link on chat with a link to 15 ways of cuddling, just to prove if it was real. I’m pretty sure he friendzoned me as much as I friendzoned him, how should I feel about that… then the worries kicks in; do I vibe off as someone they want to romanticize or do I vibe off purely friendzones? I’ve never had the sex appeal, I know I appear naive, I’m easily one of the boys… how to proceed here, where do I begin to transform? Should I transform? What do I want to transform to?
Let the “cuffling” season begin.