Single Life: First CMB Date/Meet-Up

Back in the day, you converse and crush on each other for a bit and then one of you make a move. I got kissed today because we played pool and I lost… enough times. I’m in the subway now and I’m spinning trying to figure out how I really feel. Ok let’s try this….How am I still so unsure about meeting someone new? I keep asking myself over and over.

Earlier today I admitted I felt like crying. For what?! It’s completely over, it’s beyond over actually so why am I holding back? This guy I met today just got out of a serious relationship 5 months ago… me over a year ago and I’m still acting like my old single but not single self. This guy was a pretty good candidate, paid for most of the date (I got him a shot), awesome convo that I can keep up with, funny… when I won by default I should’ve asked him for a hug instead of another kiss… equals cuddly. How many kisses did we do? 3-4?Maybe more(?) Plus I had to give him a kiss on his cheek cause that’s how all that started.

He has cute dimples. He noticed mine. He showed me pictures of his brother and sister. He’s a cook but wants to pursue teaching. He’s shorter than I imagined, but taller enough than me… why would that bother me. Why does it bother me? What’s supposed to happen now? Does it matter? There’s no investment there, I really need to stop associating dating with relationships. How do I get romanticized the way I imagine it? There’s no rule book. I’d like to believe it’s either there or it’s not, right?

Let me stop spinning for a second and admit it went great. He didn’t say any swooning words like how pretty my hair is, I smell nice, I’m cute…none of that was mentioned… but he went for a kiss. Does that mean he liked me enough to want to kiss my lips? idk idk idk idk lolsadface

I’m pretty certain this guy is talking to other girls. I’ve seen the line-up for guys on CMB, I kinda know what I’m up against. This guy also admitted he gets about 20 being suggested to him, me on the other hand gets 0-1. I couldn’t remember how I found him but he mentioned he did do a video… I’m pretty sure I used my free like on him there. Those 5 second videos are seriously funnier than Vine, and everyone knows how much I like Vine.

Now I question, if he asks me out, do I say yes? Do I like him enough to entertain him some more? He kinda still know some Cantonese to save his life.

Yes I was late. I’m going to end this one now cause I’m feeling sleepy – no need for help here.

___goodnight in Japanese, cause he mentioned he liked anime.

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SUNDAY.funday 2.0

everything i publish online has to have a story. all of my finished creatives take a whole process, below for example took me all morning to conceptualize (in bed) with my phone. i set out to make a lock screen bg and i wanted to feature G’s Toronto sign picture from the amazing iPhoneX but see it didn’t really end up there did it… that’s how this sunday funday began and ended up doubling up as a me-day.

i usually don’t have much time for these things but when i do, it’s always cut short enough that lately i’ve been forced to be able to just deliver as is. i don’t second guess what i post, cause i’m trying the whole #liveoutloud mantra right now but also i used to worry about what someone reading/viewing my social media would think or react upon review but now i don’t care about that (anymore). the only thing i care about is producing moments and presenting them how i want to remember those moments. i am now my own judge, i will selfishly review what i write/post/share for my own benefit, not anyone elses. anyway enough about the process and let’s dig into that memorable sunday funday i spent all by myself with a pair of skullcandy headphones.

 

all the while, i contemplated about going on another first date. someone who’s much more exciting than the last one because of the back and forth banter. he just gets my quirkiness. this day’s creatives were inspired by a post by Sylvester McNutt III shared by Kstar who’s on her flight back from her Asia trip. let me give you a few minutes to read the words below but basically #selfgoals in the eyes of another. i’m prepping myself to be ready for the long haul with the right one by completing a few test runs to learn what i like and don’t like. self realization is still in effect here and i find myself hurting less and less. if i was hurting it was for different reasons not him, somewhat for the right reasons. so yey me.

 

Cuffling Season

before bed after wing night with Babs ft. Sheebs

(Currently listening to: Love Galore – SZA)

First dates with boys.

I’m lost in my head. I can carry conversation, go with the flow but I’ve never really been on a date where the ultimate goal is to figure out if you’re into that person in person (from scratch)?

My first Tinder date for example was an automatic friendzone. I only met up with him because he was really sweet and was able to carry on a conversation on chat. He clearly has A quality worthy enough for a meet up. But in all honesty, I felt like I wanted to overcome the fear of meeting a stranger. In all technicality, he wasn’t a complete stranger anymore… we chatted for over a month on and off (mostly off) because I was too busy to entertain anyone else in my life. I got dressed up, curled my hair the night before and ventured to meet him for a walk around the area at work as discussed.

He went for a hug, physically there’s nothing there and all I had to do was to keep up with the interrogations and listen at the same time. He decided he wanted to try Uncle Tetsu’s cheesecake, so we waited in line, he had a very friendly heartwarming Brazilian smile. Blah Blah Blah, walked to Nathan Philip Square and started to devour the cake. It took a few topics by the time he took his first bite… his first bite fell on the chair and his first UT Cheesecake officially became unforgettable because he still ate it and I was a witness. He didn’t want to waste his first ever bite, I literally ROFL’d.

The chatter didn’t stop and I entertained it waaay too long but I couldn’t help it, I was intrigued the whole time. He’s 28 or 29 and he’s been all over Europe, moved here from Brazil because he saw Canada in a pamphlet when he was little and decided one day he will make it here. Now he’s here. I’ve always been fascinated with people who move abroad and rough it out. The resilience is real and raw, I want to say I would want to do that one day but I’m too chicken shit to act up on it.

As it got way too cold, we walked towards the mall and he tried to warm me up by suggesting body heat is the quickest way to get warm. I shrugged, but he also mentioned there’s 15 ways of cuddling. After laughing his hints of getting closer to me one day by suggesting we could practice those together we finally got to the subway. He didn’t ask for my direct number and I didn’t ask for his. I joked that maybe I’ll find him on Tinder again next summer and take him up for real walks around the city, he laughed. A few days later, he sent me a link on chat with a link to 15 ways of cuddling, just to prove if it was real. I’m pretty sure he friendzoned me as much as I friendzoned him, how should I feel about that… then the worries kicks in; do I vibe off as someone they want to romanticize or do I vibe off purely friendzones? I’ve never had the sex appeal, I know I appear naive, I’m easily one of the boys… how to proceed here, where do I begin to transform? Should I transform? What do I want to transform to?

Let the “cuffling” season begin.

Ponderings

it’s that time of the month.  & it’s that time of the year. usually i have a pattern of rebranding this site around the time i renew my domain and all i want to do is update the layout. there are a few things i want to fix before the end of the year:

  • yearlies – 2017 edition
  • about – list is outdated and shallow
  • tripcollage – hide and make banners to click on instead of viewing right away. make new collages
  • quotes – replace with something else. i can’t even find that notebook anymore where all the quotes i wanted to share creatively on a semi regular basis. also instagram took over and a lot of those i follow is already doing the job for me. i don’t want to copy & paste because the whole purpose of this was to cre.ate
  • T.DOT – my attempt of posting/categorizing my love for this city.
  • RollWorld – 2017 edition will almost be complete. i should add semi pages for years.

i also still need to be more organized in creating categories/tags. i need to revisit my little black book with all the bujo ideas i can explore for this blog, because i gave up on using my hands to stay creative, let’s keep it digital since i’m barely home and gets distracted too easily to write/draw/color.

still recalibrating. but let the execution begin.