next one

stumbled upon this song:

it gave me goosebumps because underneath all the hurt i feel, i do look forward to loving again. unconditionally (again). for all the right reasons, my next one is for sure gonna be #sogood.

i look for a partner in crime. someone who’s role is to help me grow as an individual with their own aspirations and add as much value to my life as i will do to their life. “A life partner is not about battling each other, but overcoming life’s challenges together. – whosaysyoucan’tyoudo” . no more falling for potentials unless the known potential progresses into measurable results. I want a man who can argue with my logic and who’ll allow me to argue theirs but for both of us to easily find a common ground to stand on and ultimately Move Forward, fail forward as ONE UNIT.

lately i haven’t been able to mask the hurt as much as i’ve been able to. This hurt I feel may also be affecting other aspects of my life. I’m just wonky -not knowing how to deal tbh.

let’s not overlook or ignore the fact that I feel I’m not ready to love (no matter how much I want to) because my heart is still broken. I’m not in any capacity to want/give/receive love. No one is asking me to love the person I date, totally understood, but if that’s not in the cards then I don’t see the point. Each relationship I picture/allow for myself ‘should’ envoke an experience … I’m not saying that dating casually doesn’t do that, in fact I know for a FACT that it does (living that through other people) and that’s one heck of an experience to have but I get anxiety just thinking about it for myself.

I’m annoyed with myself. I’m making me frustrated. I’m my own enemy. BUT one day, soon, I will commit to taking that leap and when I do, IT WILL COUNT! Bear with me a bit longer, I’m almost there (repeat).

 

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