Deciding.

speaking of decisions. i dont remember the site i copied this off of, but im sure i didnt write it. but of course it was saved as a draft for a reason…to inspire…read on!!

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as i prepare to enter the next decade of my life, i’ve learned that life is a series of decisions. timing is not real and that deciding is afterall the common denominator to uncovering the reasons for living. we can keep complaining about the series of choices we are handed but to be after more than a quarter into ‘my’ lifetime, i’ve finally learned that time is not the enemy. we blame time when it’s short, when it’s dragging, and when we want it to just stop. at the end of the day at this day and age it’s all about deciding. timing is not real. there is no sense in waiting for the right time or the right place, it’s about deciding that makes it the time and place. it’s all just coincidental.

It’s weird to say We’ve never had good timing, huh?, huh? Timing isn’t a thing. Time is, timing is not. Time is debatable as a thing really, too.

You make what you want to work, work. I know. I have excuses that feel like reasons, too. But I’m on a train to Belgium because I wanted to go. Not because it’s affordable or easy. Not without a ticket agent catching me without a ticket because they don’t take damn credit cards anywhere I’ve found here. But he let me go because I smiled and explained and he smiled and explained and I had exactly enough money in my wallet to pay cash. I didn’t have a clue how much the ticket cost, but I made a choice and it worked out. Deciding fixes many things, I’ve found.

Timing. You have time to write me emails about your studies. You had time to become my friend. You have money to buy your coffee and time to drink it. You maybe got up and decided to do nothing today. It’s not timing, love. It’s deciding. I could blame half of my life on bad timing, maybe even most of it if I wanted. But, here we are back to deciding and I’ve made a better choice than that.

Pick. Choose. Don’t tell people timing.

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Unfinished Busy-ness

so last year i wrote this post. i just read it and i had to admit that – those plans never surfaced. then i catch myself repeating: failing to plan and planning to fail. of course here it goes:

2014

  • I need to get my G2 before summer, for mini trips in surrounding areas.
  • I will NOT plan on any intercontinental – trips and just save ALOT!
  • Speaking of saving – I will set up a payment plan for our much needed future *love-nest* with J
  • Budget Budget Budget – no new clothes until necessary so i have the motivation to go down sizes instead of go/remain where i am weight-wise.
  • Which means more focus on health (like quitting smoking indefinitely, going to the gym, build muscles and increase stamina — etc.) let’s aim 3-5 lbs per month.
  • Further decrease (like literally put a dent on that huge consolidation loan). So i can afford…
  • to get married.
  • but first let’s Get engaged (ahem-ahem)
  • career check: PM

It will be a year of decisions. No more waiting. I need to start prioritizing -heres to better tomorrows. Wish me luck.

Wedding Shivers

just got back on spotify (long story short because i’m Canadian, i had no access) – and the first album i found myself on is John Legend’s Love in the Future. loving every bit of course. he recently had a concert here in Toronto but unfortunately i didn’t get to buy tickets. then my mind wandered over to his website to find out where he’s playing next that i can randomly travel to, if reasonable. i was considering doing an overnight wherever the concert was gonna be all on my own, just to listen to him sing and serenade – haha then i looked at the prices and wandered back to work.

then i found the fan-made video that they made for “All of me” and immediately i got the eureka moment thinking my cousin needs to make my wedding slideshow like this. then youtube suggested me to watch the video below and i kid you not i got the absolute shivering, goosebumping, sweaty palms-armpits-to-singit type of intense feeling that i’ve never felt before. the kind of thing you only feel when things feel right. when you witness something magical. it happened before my eyes. i felt like crying – too emotional about this. let me tell you what i saw:

i saw a vision of what i want my wedding to look like – if possible. the hanging lights, the intimate rooftop, the city view, sunset/sunrise looking sky. looking at him as i walk towards that breathtaking view. while everyone is busy looking at me …i walk down the isle to be married with glitter in my eyes proving what i feel inside my swelling heart. i saw it all. i saw a girl singing …when you’re in love, i saw my BMs trying not to cry with a smile, the GMs chests out and proud, cameras flashing. i saw it happen so fast, it was over before we knew it and i am caught being in J’s arms whispering little secrets to each other of the happiness, the love –while our photographer captures every second of that happiness for our scrapbook. it was beautiful.