tonight i had the most interesting conversation about a situation that is looming in someone’s mind (jony). when you meet a certain person for the first time, there’s a clean slate – first impressions are definitely key. personally when meeting a group of people for the first time, i plan to act reserved and shy – but it never really turns out that way. people are just randomly open to me and are warm towards me. i try to sit in one corner and vow to only speak when spoken to. but the minute i am spoken to, i feel the need to keep it going and eventually i suddenly know more that i’m supposed to and i just can’t hold it back.

going on a vacation with a group of people is completely different from that though. higher stakes, longer hours to be spent, numerous days of having to put your game face on like everyday is the first impression types of days. it’s always smart to click with at least 1 person other than the person you came with. maybe it’s just the “only child” mentality that i have but i just don’t care too much about being left out. i’ve been brought up alone and in certain situations i can just be left alone. i almost just prefer it that way. i like watching people in certain groups. if i don’t click with anyone i just sit there politely and watch their interactions. i start reminiscing about my own group and i find the experience pretty much profound. it makes you miss certain loved ones, near and dear to your heart and you start thinking about ways to improve your relationship with them. it’s all about observing certain personalities that are different from your own. those that are resistant to your charms are not worth it. they’re not worth the effort and they are definitely not worth the mental drainage interactions can give.

another thing i want to note. it’s exhausting to mingle. i’m tired of always putting on a straight face and having to entertain people all the time. so i love being presented with difficult to reach people so i don’t have to go out of my way and just pretend – heck if they don’t talk to me i won’t talk to them. but because i’m such a social butterfly and i make great first impressions – i have to keep them up – pfft sometimes its so much easier to be a bitch.

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