contemplation on communcations

yes, i am reading the 50 shades series and another yes, i am loving it. in the book without giving much away the two main characters email each other. it makes me want that macbook even more (insert sigh here). anyway it just got me thinking about the first couple of weeks with J and all i’ve been thinking about lately is how much we don’t talk like we used to.

the only meaningful email/note i got from him is the one that he sent when we first started dating. it spoke of his views of how our arrangement at the moment was going and everytime i read it now, i just melt. i now wish i did a better job at keeping all his cards and notes in one box. but i didn’t, and i know he used to but as the years flew by that habit went away … everytime i clean my room i find a card or letter that i wrote to him on special occasions. i mean i know he’s not an occasions type of guy but i almost always put effort in the stuff that i manually write to him. emails on the other hand is another story. other than my sweetly sugar coated posts about him here, my emails are more organized chaos of my frustrations with him. it’s always easier to write it rather than say it. i was never good with confrontations and i still am not. so he knows that if there is something bothering me, i’m sure he expects a note on facebook or a mini never ending text version of a note. i don’t know what it is with typing out what i feel but i guess it’s just how i’ve always dealt with things. i’m an only child so i always blame it on that. i talk a lot but my outbursts are never the same as a run on sentence. when i say things out loud, it just never makes sense.

on that note, before i ramble on and on about me, i just wanted to contemplate about how important it is to communicate. it’s something that needs to strengthen in every relationship as the tenure gets longer. i admit i am not the best for words and i don’t even call J 100% of the time other than call backs and i think i really just need to start communicating again. even just digitally. even just a simple hello. even just a tiny i miss you. i should really start caring for this relationship and work at it before it’s too late. did you know the world was ending in 2012? it’s time to get back to basics with the man my heart chooses.

night – night!

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