unmerry christmas 2009

so i just talked to J and he mentions that the usual christmas with his family will be an unusual one this year. apparently his aunts/uncles aren’t at speaking terms and might not be celebrating with each other this year. for the past four years we’ve been spending 24th with his and 25th with mine. but this year 24th will be a simple gathering with the gonzales only.

i’m not exactly ready to part with work as of yet, because there’s so much to do still. i’m practically done with christmas shopping. and since the outside family won’t be there with the mini celebration this year, i don’t really have to worry. it’s kind of depressing to realize that without them christmas just simply won’t be the same this year.

i just can’t believe that everyone has parted ways for a while. i mean 2 of his dear cousins got married and his family wasn’t even notified or invited. tita e, somehow has another grandchild that if they weren’t online, they wouldn’t have found out otherwise. whatever happened to those days when family was the one thing you can’t live without. i try to run away from mine but as the years go by, my cousins have somehow been a part of my life i can’t do without. i can’t imagine being out of touch for more than a year. although we are distant, as soon as we are back in the nook, it’s like we were never apart. somehow no matter how much i explain this to J, he just doesn’t get it. i knew from the very beginning that he didn’t have the same closeness as i had with my cousins. i guess we are on the same boat. i just wish that if my cousins got married, i would be invited and would be at least a guest for the most part.

i can’t wait to have my own family. i can’t wait to make my own set of traditions and must do’s during any type of holiday. i will not let my family not celebrate these important days in the year. i want them to be full of love and feel it most at christmas time. now i need to be on my best behaviour to cheer my boo up during these depressing times. i’m not one to celebrate either but i guess now i have to. what else does he have but me? i haven’t gotten him anything for christmas, i’m up awake all night just thinking about it (*hahaha i lied, i’m up because i napped for 4 hours today). i think i will write him a 2-4 page letter. i told everyone he doesn’t deserve a gift but i wish i could give him something non-material. like: wisdom, maturity, initiatives and motivation. now if only i could wrap it up with a bow. i think i will spend most of christmas eve cultivating what he wants as a career. i’m smart and i can do it. i need to help him take the plunge! i should really go to sleep now i’m mumbling non-sense already.

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