another day..

another fight.
another conversation about the future i have no expectation for. why do women tend to point to that direction? i just wish he could bullshit some sort of dream he’s got for me to picture. some kind of sign that that’s where “we” (in light terms) are heading.
i’m surrounded by older men & women who will never settle for less. they wait for those moments when things are rolling. they are realistic and pesimistic. i question some of their logics, because against my own, they are far off to where i want to be at their age. i mean some are not that much older (maybe +/- 5 to 6 years_ to be exact). but how do i convert? maybe it’s been the right way of doing things all along. maybe there is something to this waiting in vanity! i mean what have you got to lose. really!?! what’s better than knowing he’ll come around & the fact that we share something special, and that there’s sparks and that i can picture a life with him in it… wait that’s probably a misconception.
there’s this north american thing growing on me and it’s not like i can shoe it away. i want to be romanced, i want to be sweetened. i want to fill butterflies and all that stuff that makes non-loving people hurl.
there’s so much to say but no one available to listen. it’s been a year of being single (yes the boyfriend does exist – but not in the way i pictured it). but maybe that’s what i need. a companion. but how good is a companion when he’s not always the one i do things with. that’s the big difference though, as it seems. or is it. i don’t know the other relationships well enough other than, the highlights.

someone show me the way~

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