a big sigh of relief

so i was so distracted that i didn’t even think that i was obligated to go to work today. insert *stupid -now. i just couldn’t get over what happened yesterday. i guess it’s the consequence of a lot of things that i put us in for the past couple days. it shows weakness really. that reality is he will not stand for anything when it comes to me. i don’t regret anything but i do wish (big-time) that things should’ve been different. how could he be soooo inconsiderate enough that again i’m not part of his plan. it gives me goosebumps til’ now!! i couldn’t believe it. how is someone who claims to be your boyfriend have the nerve to do things you want to do. to rub in your face that he’s got it good// better, than i do. i wish he brought me with him, but there’s not even a single remorse on his end. there’s no realization that hey, i should bring my gf… she did after all show interest in going even without me.

he made such a big deal of being together for new years eve. but i guess he became stubborn at the thought that i didn’t want to be with him at all. maybe hurt by the fact that i wasn’t interested in being with his family. i mean i didn’t want to burden him of being here with me, alone. i did buy him drinks, just in case -in some kind of miraculous way- he would think of me over his family. but i didn’t get my hopes up because they are priority. i don’t see that ever being the case and i was satisfied with being all by myself.

life was never that good to me. so i settled for whatever it can give me. i have a very low expectation on things and yet the men i let into my life still can’t figure me out. how hard can it be? if i were a boy… really if i were a boy. ” i think i could understand, how it feels to love a girl, i swear i’d be a better man”.

tomorrow will be better than today. i promise you the least! ❤

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