fuel your soul

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i have been feeling inspired cause life is good. geeked out so hard on instagram last night, trickling into today. i’m pretty impressed with the outcome. but time to focus back into tasks oustanding. i still have to pour my creativity into creating a poster guestbook for justin’s christening. also i should eat – enjoy your evening.

Source: “I’m not looking for a fling. I’m looking for someone to plant flowers in my soul. someone made of water and sunlight. someone who knows how to pour themselves just to help me grow.” -r.m. drake

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Daydreaming

Mood: not a bad thing by JT

One day I will have it all… the kid + caring husband + (maybe) dog, filling the backyard with so much laughter and tears. It doesn’t have to have the fanciest car on the driveway or have the greatest looking house (inside or out) situated at the front. It just needs to be livable with a list of fixes that are wants but not necessarily needed. My mom playing on her phone or tablet on a hammock that is swinging.

This dream of mine I experienced in real life last Sunday at Laile & Ace’s home. It’s not completely their own, they live with Laile’s family but it tugged at my heartstrings even more when her fam emerged. Her dad had his friends over, her brother and his wife waking up from a nap and her other brother finally reaching with his own lil fam. The older brother offering anything and everything – being the hospitable man I see he is, and her lil brother being ordered to grab her bike to fix and tune. I envied in a good way, more feeling inspired and I’m glad my cousin Ace scored such a commendable woman with sass, wit, and down to earth qualities. She def carries her own! The more I interact with her the more blessed I feel to have her tied to my family… ok that’s enough I’m getting choked up with this post for many different reasons not mentioned. Let’s break out in laughter at this moment instead…

Stares from a Ghost

Silver lining: I will never be as young as I am at this exact moment in time. On another note, I ran into a ghost today. My HS boyfriend, the infamous Rodjo. All I am dwelling on is what type of impression did I leave as he saw me, as we hung out for a hot minute (cause it felt like 50 degrees hot at that moment), as we share another smoke sesh together – what was he thinking/feeling. What sparked the stares, the nervous stutters…

On my end, my mind was racing. I was shook to my core. If I didn’t leave when I did, if I didn’t have that last cigarette with M before heading down to the subway, if I didn’t catch that slow train where the lady kept so much personal space that I forced myself in between the middle somewhere… would we have run into each other cosmically. If I had not stuck to my word of going to Ate Novies today, if I had not met up and had a heart-to-heart talk until 1AM with Babs last night, would I have run into him randomly… still shook. If I had stayed my lazy self after soaking up too much sun from the farmers market plus the afternoon humidity, I would not have been at that exact path. dear destiny, why you playing with me?

After a chat with my bestie and my mom, the shook-ness stopped. Easily – not worth it. Clearly he is way too broken for me to even be a lil interested. He was out of my life for a real reason and honestly my heart remembers it all. Don’t worry ❤️ you are safe (from this).